Dear Birth mom

This is one of the envelopes that has held pictures, mementos, and notes to send the boys’ birth moms.


In those quiet moments as the day is winding to an end and I hear, “Good night mom I love you” I thank the birth moms for giving me the chance to experience the fun, the chaos, and the love


We think of you often and thank you daily.  Those nine words are the words I have chosen to close every letter I have written to the boys’ birth moms.  I am now nearing one hundred plus letters that I have written over the years.  To me, that sentence means more and more everytime I write it in the message.  Someday I hope to covey in person to those two women the meaning of those nine words.

I do think of the birth moms often.  I am humbled and awed by their selfless act of choosing adoption.  I can only imagine the emotions that flooded their hearts and minds before, during, and after choosing adoption.  I do think of the birth moms during those milestone moments.  We have experienced a million big and small moments.  When the boys mastered the typical crawling and walking, new words to sentences, losing teeth to skinned knees, glasses and braces.  But we have had milestone moments that have opened our hearts.  The boys asking questions about their birth moms which leads to the inevitable question of “why didn’t she want me?”  My heart hurt to hear the question because I know that is so far from the truth of not wanting her child.  Life circumstances made it difficult for the birth moms to parent.  My husband and I had to find the age-appropriate truth to share with the boys that it is difficult to be a parent with work, bills, having a place to live, plus making sure that a child gets everything he or she needs to be healthy.  In my heart of hearts, I was saying she loved you so much she gave you a chance to live your best life.

I do think of the birth moms with every new school year.  It is met with excitement, new shoes, new clothes, supplies, and pictures galore.  There is something about the start of a new school year where the possibilities are new that brings reflection time.  In the quiet moments after I have said have a good day, be good, and I love you to the boys I compose a letter telling each birth mom what a fantastic kid her son is growing up to be right before our eyes.  I include a few new milestones such as learning how to tie shoes, trying a new instrument at school, upcoming braces, and how they felt before the start of the new school year.  I tuck a couple of back to school pics in the letter too.  Over the years, the boys have transitioned from chubby cheeks and velcro shoes to tie shoes, and missing teeth grin.  In recent years, we have seen them grow from messy bed head to groomed haired with a smile full of braces.  Now, the boys smile impatiently telling me to “Hurry up!  How many pictures do you really need?”  They don’t realize that I do need the pictures.  I need the pictures for me, but also for their birth mom.  I feel that that is a milestone not to be missed.

In those quiet moments as the day is winding to an end and I hear, “Good night mom I love you” I thank the birth moms for giving me the chance to experience the fun, the chaos, and the love.  As I lay my head down, I think of some the moments that we shared together as a family that will be included in the next letter.  In the morning hours as our days are getting ready I might hear a “Mommy” or “Good Morning Mom, “and once again I feel that tug to thank the birth mom for giving me the opportunity to be called Mom.  It is the best title and best job I have ever held in my life.  The journey is just getting started and I will continue to honor the two brave woman who helped to make it possible.  We think of you often and thank you daily.


All my best to you,


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